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TOPIC: Feeling Lonely and unloved

Feeling Lonely and unloved 11 Jun 2010 09:52 #15344

Ok, So here is the story. I'm 25 and I own a house with my Boyfriend who I love very much. The problem is that I am not sure how much he loves me back. He tells me all of the time that he does, but I just can't help doubting his commitment. We have been together for 2 1/2 years and he has known for most of our relationship that getting married and having children is very important to me and I told him that I did not want to be stuffed around again. I have asked him a number of times why he has not proposed yet and if it is something that he wants to do. He says that it is, but he usually just changes the subject and gives me some lame excuse. First it was money, then when we were in a better financial position, he said that I just had to be patient. I am sick of being patient!

What makes it even worse is that if he is not at Training (Martial Arts), he is either helping someone else do something or he has his head in the computer and is too distracted to pay any attention to me at all. I feel so lonely most of the time and then when he does want to spend time with me I am too upset or mad at him to be any company. I won't ask him to marry me because I am too old fashioned, but I don't know how much longer I can keep waiting. At the same time, I don't want to give him away because he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don't want to go through a messy separation - with the house and all.

I just want someone to talk to.
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Re:Feeling Lonely and unloved 11 Jun 2010 12:43 #15349

  • ph_gTeamTurn2me
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Hi Katspar85,

welcome to turn2me.
I hope you find it helpful talking to other members of the community.

Has your boyfriend given any other indications for why he is not ready for marriage? It sounds like things are hard for you when your boyfriend is busy doing other things. Have you spoken to your boyfriend about how this makes you feel? (you don't have to answer if you don't want to).

Hope to talk to you soon,
Take care & all the best,
PH
"Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness" - Chinese Proverb
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Re:Feeling Lonely and unloved 11 Jun 2010 12:51 #15350

  • de_belle_jar
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hi katspar
welcum ta de site
yhu really need ta sit down nd have a proper conversation wit yer boyfriend about where de relationship is goin
yhu need ta b prepared to hear things yhu dont wanna hear.....
yhu know wat yhu want.......house, kids, husband......
maybe he doesnt know wat he wants.......he mite nat b so sure dat he wants to b tied down.......25 is very young......
dere s so much ta c in de world.......so many tings ta do......dat yhu can only do wen yer young and nat tied down......

maybe he s nat willin ta giv up his freedom at dis age........he mite jus b enjoyin de ride.......its very possible dat he loves yhu and doesnt wanna lose yhu......bt jus doesnt want marriage and kids jus yet........

make sure dat yer nat creatin distance between yhu by pushin him into wat yhu want......
do yhu know wat he wants?

yhu really sit ta sit down wit him nd sort all dis out........ask him ta b completely open and honest.....and yhu hav ta do de same.........
find out how each other feels....
maybe dere s a compromise.......yhu cud get engaged now......but nat get married for a few years........leave kids for a few years aswell........go out nd live yer lives first..........
dats jus a few suggestions.......

yhu need ta sort dis out.....because at de moment yer relationship isnt workin......nd yhu need ta accept your share of de blame for dat 2........
dis isnt de best buildin block for marriage or children if yhu cant even communicate now.......

i hope i dont sound 2 harsh......i really do feel 4 yhu.....its an isolated place ta b
bt yhu hav de tools and de power ta sort dis out and turn it around
face up ta de problem
id hate ta c two ppl bein miserable jus because dey cant communicate
wishin yhu de best of luck
let us know how yer gettin on

Belle
death can vanquish life....but luv can vanquish death.......nd in my experience, luv cannot b vanquished!!! xXx
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Re:Feeling Lonely and unloved 11 Jun 2010 23:24 #15356

The problem is defiantly communication. I can't seem to get a full conversation with him about this. He just says that I am being silly 'not in so may words' and then starts talking about something else. The thing is that he has said in the past that he WANTS to get married and have kids with me. That's what I don't get. One minute he says he does, but he won't talk about it. Then whenever someone else asks him about it, he pretty much says its not going to happen. It is really hurtful but I don't know if he just can't talk about it in front of other people.

He knows how lonely I get and he has said that If I have a problem with him going to training that he won't go, but that is not fair on him. I know how much he enjoys it.

I don't feel that 25 is too young. I have been responsible for myself since I was 17 so Its not like I'm fresh out of home with no clue or anything. Also the other main concern that I have is that I feel that I need to have kids before I am 30 or I won't have any chance at all. I have a family history of women in my family having 'complications' with their reproductive systems after the age of 30 and I have had endometriosis before.

I think about Marriage and Kids almost every single day and it is really depressing me. I don't think he realizes just how much it means to me, because I don't tell him that It is on my mind so often.
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